


Second Chances

by Lucy410



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:02:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26008459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucy410/pseuds/Lucy410
Summary: It has been years since Admiral Archer has been on Earth, why is it that the first person he sees on his return is Malcolm?
Relationships: Jonathan Archer/Malcolm Reed
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	Second Chances

Malcolm.

It's him, after all these years I finally make it home and there he is waiting for me.

The years have been kind to him, he's a little grey around the temples but asides from that he's changed very little.

Then I see the chair.

He must really have done some damage to himself to end up in that and for a moment I hope he hasn't seen me.

Almost unconsciously I step backward, I bump into a younger man who mumbles an apology, even though it was my mistake, and then stop, unable to take my eyes off Malcolm.

The man I bumped into, twenties, supremely confident in the way only the young can be, short dark hair, has walked up to Malcolm.

Feeling like an eavesdropper I lip-read his words.

"Ready to go, Dad?"

My heart bounces into my mouth and suddenly I can feel my age, every single one of my years has just come back to kick me in the ass.

"Admiral?"

I smile at the young woman who is waiting for me to notice her.

"Can I take your bag?"

Normally I would bridle at such an offer, I may be old but I have always prided myself on my fitness, but my mind is full of thoughts of Malcolm and so I pass my bag across without demur.

Later, when all the rigmarole involved in my return is over, I find myself alone in my office and able to relax. Someone has thoughtfully left a bottle of scotch and a glass on a small table by the window. I pour myself a drink and stand staring out of the window. But I don't see the landscaped gardens stretching away, instead I find myself picturing Malcolm and wondering how the vital young lieutenant I sent away transformed into a wheelchair bound father.

My thoughts go back in time, stretching out like taffy, and for the first time in years I let myself follow them backwards...

"Sir, you wanted to see me."

Malcolm is standing just inside my ready room door, back straight, eyes fixed on a point just above my head, there is no expression on his face and how, I find myself wondering, has everything changed so much over just a couple of months.

I'm being stupid, of course I know. It was me after all who brought an end to our relationship, I'm the one to blame for the hurt lurking deep within his grey eyes, the hurt that he's trying to hide.

"Yes, Lieutenant, please sit."

He obeys my command, as he obeys all my commands, and I wish I didn't have to do this. The moment I do Malcolm will turn away from me and I will never be able to find a way back.

"Here." I push a padd across my desk and Malcolm glances down at it and then back at me and I can tell that he knows already what the order says, his reassignment away from the ship that has been his home for so long, away from his friends, away from me, who just a month ago was declaring his undying love.

"Why?"

"Admiral Gardiner feels that the Endeavour would greatly benefit from your presence on board."

His look tells me he knows that Admiral Gardiner wouldn't make a decision about any of the senior staff without my input.

"That's the excuse you're going to hide behind?" His tone is flat but I can see the look in his eyes. He's got every right to be angry with me but strangely there's only hurt in his eyes.

I shake my head, I can't possibly tell him all the reasons why. I have struggled to defend my actions to myself, how can I defend them to Malcolm, how can I explain to the man I love why I'm sending him away?

I tell myself I'm doing it for him, or perhaps that I'm doing it for Enterprise but the truth is I just don't know.

Just a month ago we were locked in the throes of passion and Malcolm was all I could think about.

"Sir."

I can see his brain whirring and I know what he's thinking.

"It's not because of you and Commander Tucker." Up until now my suspicion that the break up of our relationship was closely followed by Malcolm hooking up with Trip has been something that I hadn't really entertained. Now I know I was right after all. Malcolm and Trip. The thought should make me feel I have done the right thing but I still feel sick inside.

"You ended things." Malcolm looks down at the desk. "It's not serious between me and Trip. Just two friends looking for comfort." He says the words quietly, with restraint. He has retreated back behind the mask and I call myself a thousand different names for having handled things so badly.

There's nothing left to say and a few days later Malcolm is gone.

As the years passed I resisted trying to follow his movements. I knew he left Starfleet, but beyond that I made sure I remained ignorant, it would have been too painful otherwise.

It's getting dark, the sun swooping down towards the horizon and I am overwhelmed by an urge to find Malcolm.

My aide, the same young woman who insisted on taking my bag, provides me with an address.

Outside the door to Malcolm's home I hesitate. I can see no way in which I will get a warm welcome and I have just about convinced myself to leave when the door swings open.

It is the young man I saw earlier. Malcolm's son, of course he would be here.

"I saw you on the monitor, can I help you with something?"

I turn back around to face him and I see him note my uniform. There is a guarded expression on his face, almost an exact replica of the one I have seen many times on Malcolm's face.

"Who's there, Jack?"

Malcolm's voice and I have a lump in my throat.

"Invite them in, you know we don't stand on ceremony."

"All right, Dad." Jack is reluctant but he ushers me inside just as Malcolm told him too.

"Just a minute," Malcolm's voice calls out. "I just need to wash my hands."

I stand awkwardly and Jack glowers at me. I hear the sound of Malcolm's chair and, fighting the urge to run away, I take a step forward so I am standing side by side with Jack.

The instant Malcolm sees me all the colour drains from his face.

He stares at me for a moment, his grey eyes full of the same hurt that I saw at our last encounter, and then he retreats, back the way he came.

Jack gazes open-mouthed and then he turns to look at me.

"Dad has never reacted to a visitor like that before, who are you?"

"Jonathan Archer, your dad and I..."

Jack interrupts me. "I know who you are. Dad's told me about you. You broke his heart."

"I should go."

"You should never have come," Jack is glaring at me and I know I can't blame him for that.

I turn to hit the door release, to let myself back out into the cool night air, but Jack's hand closes on my arm.

"You're going to run away? Dad never mentioned you were a coward."

"He doesn't want to talk to me."

"If you leave you'll never know."

I shake my head but I know he's right and I want more than anything to talk to Malcolm, to hold his hand again.

I swallow and look directly at Jack. He is a younger version of Malcolm glowering at me. Malcolm never glowered at me like that.

"How long ago did he have the accident?" Malcolm was always so active, being in a chair must chafe at his independent spirit.

"Twenty five years, two months and 22 days."

Malcolm answers the question himself, there's no bitterness in his voice, and he emerges into the hallway, his eyes finding mine.

"Dad." Jack steps forward but Malcolm holds up a hand and the young man stops, but I can see that he's reluctant, he wants to protect his father, protect him from me.

"That's..."

"Fifty days after I joined the Endeavour. There was an accident in engineering, I was lucky I wasn't killed."

"Dad, don't." This time Jack does go to Malcolm, he settles for a reassuring hand on the shoulder rather than a full out hug but now there are two pairs of grey eyes staring at me, not fully hostile but not welcoming either.

There are unshed tears glimmering in Malcolm's eyes and I find even after all the years that have passed I still hate myself for causing him pain.

"He wanted to die." Jack's words seem to fill the space around me and he is angry, so angry. Tears roll down Malcolm's face and he makes no attempt to stop them.

"If I had died I would never have had you." Malcolm reaches out to take Jack's hand and he squeezes it. "And that would have been a real tragedy."

Those words make Jack smile and Malcolm's smile is full of such warmth that I decide to ask a question and inadvertently put my foot in it again.

"What about Jack's mother?"

There's a deep silence, and Malcolm turns away. He has to twist awkwardly to avoid looking at me.

"She gave me Jack. I'm grateful for that."

"She's not here?" My hope that Malcolm might have found someone to share his life with has just been shattered.

There is a long pause during which Jack looks at Malcolm and shakes his head. He must hate me for coming here and dredging up Malcolm's most painful memories.

"After the accident I was sent back to Earth. I don't remember that much for a while after that but Holly nursed me through everything, she helped me through the physical therapy, held me when I cried."

Malcolm's voice is so matter of fact that my hands close into fists. I am envious of this absent woman. If I had known what Malcolm was going through wild horses wouldn't have been able to keep me away.

"When she told me she was pregnant I thought that meant I could finally let go of the past, let go of you." He looks up into my eyes. "But it didn't work out quite like that. Two months after Jack was born she left us. She said she was tired, that she had never wanted to be a mother, she never wanted to care for a man who was in love with someone else."

Now I really do feel sick, part of me, the part of me that many years ago persuaded me to send Malcolm away, wants to walk away but I can't.

I never thought I would see Malcolm's eyes shining with love for me again but they are. Time, it seems, has failed to diminish his feelings for me. And for the first time I allow myself to feel hopeful.

"Dad raised me alone." Jack's voice is full of pride. "We take care of each other now."

I breathe out slowly, there are so many things that I want to say to Malcolm right now that I don't know where to start.

Jack is looking at me and I know he's concerned. I have brought back all of Malcolm's bad memories and perhaps he's right, perhaps I have gone too far. Why did I come here? Did I really think Malcolm and I could have a second chance?

Malcolm is staring at me, like he has a thousand things that he wants to say. He moves his chair closer and I can see the fine lines around his eyes, eyes that at one time looked at me as though I was the centre of the universe.

"It's been a long day," Jack's voice is eminently reasonable. "Dad, you need to sleep."

"I want to talk to Jon, we've got some catching up to do."

"Plenty of time for that tomorrow."

He's worried about Malcolm and now that we are only an arm's length apart I can see why. Malcolm is clearly in pain.

"I'll come back in the morning, perhaps we can have breakfast together."

Malcolm smiles in response, but I know I have outstayed my welcome and so I leave.

All night long I find myself thinking of Malcolm. My thoughts inevitably lead to tears and so much anger I feel myself becoming swamped by it. I need to let go of this, of all the regret. I need to come to Malcom renewed if we are to have another chance.

The next morning I am eager to get to Malcolm, I can't bear to be apart from him. I take my time and dress carefully. I have no idea at this point that when I get to see Malcolm he won't be worrying about my clothes.

I make the decision to walk, it isn't really that far and after all the time I have spent in space it is nice to feel the sun warming my back as I stroll through the streets.

There is a medical transporter parked outside Malcolm's house, fear hastens my steps.

I can see Jack, his arms are wrapped tightly around his chest and there is an expression of intense fear on his face.

He glances into the house and then turns away and that is when he sees me.

"Jon."

I step forward and for a brief moment he let's me hug him. Then movement at the door grabs his attention and he pulls away.

What I see next drains the blood from my face.

Malcolm, supine on a stretcher. His eyes are closed and he is still, no sign even of his chest moving up and down.

I glance at Jack and see the tears waiting to fall.

"Dad had a seizure last night."

Those words make my heart jump.

"I nursed him through it but this morning he had another one and I can't get him to wake up."

Jack's voice is quiet, as though it is coming from a million light years away, and my head spins. I can't believe that this is happening, how is it fair that having only just found Malcolm I might be about to lose him again.

The thought that maybe this would be my just dessert for what I did all those years ago occurs to me, but while it might be true how would any of that be fair on Malcolm or his son.

The medics are beckoning Jack to climb onboard the transport.

"Do you want to come?"

I am not sure this is really my place but the look on Jack's face convinces me otherwise.

Malcolm has been brought to a Starfleet hospital. I stand back and let Jack accompany Malcolm into his room. There has been no change in his condition and I wonder if he will ever wake up.

As I watch I see Jack take a seat beside Malcolm's bed. He buries his face in his hands and his hunched over shoulders start to shake.

"That's one tough kid."

I turn towards the speaker, a woman wearing a white coat over her uniform.

"Dr Garson." She sticks her hand out towards me."It's a pleasure to meet you, Admiral."

I shake her hand, feeling a little confused.

"Everybody knows Admiral Archer." She smiles and tucks her hands into the pockets of her coat. "I hoped I might get the chance to meet you, although I would rather it were under different circumstances."

I can't argue with that and I look back at the room where Jack is keeping his lonely vigil.

I open my mouth to say something but Dr Garson speaks first.

"You're wondering what a civilian is doing in a Starfleet hospital?"

I nod.

"Starfleet pays her debts and this is a big debt to pay."

When I don't say anything she gives me a strange look.

"The accident on the Endeavour would have been a lot worse if it hadn't been for Malcolm Reed. There was a catastrophic engine breach. Mr Reed intervened and saved the ship." She gives me another strange look. "How could you not know this?"

I have no answer to that. For years I have stayed away from any knowledge of Malcolm in an attempt to lessen the pain of what I did, I don't know how to explain that to anyone else.

"He's been having seizures ever since?"

"Not at first, no."

I look at Jack, he's stopped crying and is now sitting with his eyes fixed on Malcolm's face. I'm not sure which one is paler.

"How old was he when Malcolm had his first seizure?"

"Fifteen. Poor kid was terrified. It took me an hour to calm him down."

"And he's been dealing with this alone?"

"He's a Reed. The apple didn't fall far from the tree. The two of them never complain, never ask for help."

The comment makes me smile. "I can imagine." The smile hides the sudden helplessness I am feeling.

I am too quiet so I ask another question. "Are the seizures dangerous?"

Dr Garson gives me a look filled with sympathy and my stomach, empty because I was planning to eat breakfast with Malcolm, cramps.

"On their own, no. It's the cumulative effect that causes a problem. The first, as I said, was roughly ten years ago, the next occurred two years later, they've been getting more frequent lately."

All the time she is speaking she is looking not at me but at Jack and the grief in her eyes makes me want to cry.

"He's dying?"

Dr Garson shrugs. "Aren't we all?" She shakes her head then and apologises. "The wear and tear caused every time he has a seizure is beginning to take its toll on his body."

"How long?" The words come out in a whisper, these are words that shouldn't be said out loud, not ever.

"If Malcolm's lucky, maybe as long as ten years, if not, maybe ten months."

My legs are shaking and I put out a hand to brace myself against the wall.

Dr Garson puts her hand on my shoulder and then helps me a short distance to a chair.

"I'm sorry."

"Does he know?"

"They both know."

Silence falls between us while I struggle to come to terms with my new knowledge. I don't want to believe any of what I have been told. I have only just found Malcolm and yet I am on the verge of losing him again.

"He's named for you."

I look up at Doctor Garson but don't say anything.

"Jack. His full name is Jonathan Baily Reed."

"Baily?"

"His mother's surname." Dr Garson shakes her head. "I'd like to give that woman a piece of my mind."

The vehemence in her voice surprises me a little. I look across the corridor and see that Malcolm is awake and Jack is beckoning to me.

I am about to stand but Dr Garson stops me with a hand on my shoulder.

"I can't tell you what to do, Admiral, but you need to think carefully if you want to be a part of that family. You look at them, really look at them and you'll see two men on the edge. If you get involved and then leave, you might just be the one who pushes them over."

I stand up as Jack approaches.

"Thanks Doc." The fact that Dr Garson cares so much about Malcolm and Jack warms my heart.

"Dad wants to talk to you." The hostility of the night before has dropped away. I wonder what Malcolm has said to him.

"And you and I have paperwork to do." Dr Garson leads Jack away and I turn my attention to Malcolm.

"Jon." There's a tremulous smile on his face and he whispers my name when I sit down next to him.

"I'm sorry." Those two words are not enough I know but I have to start somewhere. "I'm sorry for sending you away from Enterprise, I'm sorry for sending you away from me. I should never have done that."

I know I have no right to be here, no right to disrupt his life like this, but this is my last chance. I would so like to be happy and I want more than anything to make Malcolm happy.

"We can't change the past." The words come out in a breathless whisper. "I would be lying if I said you didn't hurt me, if I didn't spend a long time hating you."

"What about the future?"

Malcolm wheezes as he tries to laugh. Then he reaches out and takes my hand. It has been so long since I last touched him I am overwhelmed. I look into his eyes and feel the years fall away.

Then Malcolm smiles at me.

"How about a second chance for both of us."


End file.
